Why don’t we talk about this?
The Silent Struggle of Women over 40
Somewhere along the way, we learned to stay quiet We learned to smile when we’re hurting. To nod when someone says, “You’re too young to feel this way.” To brush off our exhaustion, our hot flashes, our swollen joints, our sleepless nights, and say, “It’s probably just stress.” But here’s my truth: I’m 45. I’m living with chronic pain, navigating perimenopause, and preparing for a life-changing knee replacement surgery. And I’m tired of pretending that everything’s okay. The Breaking Point- I’ve had 19 surgeries in my life. I’ve learned to cope with pain that most people can’t see. I’ve run businesses. I’ve taken care of others. I’ve picked myself up over and over again. But something shifted recently. It wasn’t just the pain in my joints or the nerve pain in my face. It was the crying spells that came out of nowhere. The feeling of being constantly on edge. The wired-but-exhausted nights. The way my body felt like it was vibrating, even when I was lying still. And the scariest part? It didn’t feel like me anymore.
The Hormonal Storm No One Warned Me About-
I’d always heard about menopause like it was a switch that flipped one day. But no one warned me about perimenopause — the messy middle. The years before menopause where your hormones slowly unravel and take pieces of you with them.
For me, it looked like:
Short, light periods — sometimes just two days.
Anxiety that settled in my chest like a weight.
Insomnia, night sweats, and chronic exhaustion.
Mood swings that felt like grief and rage rolled into one.
Dry skin, hair
Loss of muscle tone, motivation, and sometimes hope.
A brain and body constantly stuck in “fight-or-flight.”
And because I already live with chronic pain, all of this didn’t just feel like a hormonal shift. It felt like my body was breaking down — and no one had prepared me for it.
Perimenopause On Top of Chronic Pain?
It’s a Perfect Storm.
I’m currently off work, waiting for surgery, and trying to function with a damaged knee and a nervous system that’s been in survival mode for months. Nerve pain, the now (Thank God) occasional positional vertigo…. Adding hormone chaos to that mix? Let’s just say… it’s been a lot. There are days I don’t recognize myself. Moments I cry for no reason. Nights where sleep feels like a distant memory. And yet somehow — I still get up. I still try. Even if all I manage is a walk to the kitchen, a journal entry, or a few deep breaths before crying into my tea.
What’s Actually Helped Me….
(No Fluff — Just Real Tools I Use and Love) Let’s be real — healing isn’t all face masks and bubble baths. It’s ugly crying, resting when you’d rather be doing, and constantly googling “is this normal?” There’s no miracle cure, but there are a few things that have helped me feel more stable, less inflamed, and more like myself again. I use all of these regularly — and I’ve included affiliate links because I genuinely love them. If you purchase through these links, I may earn a small commission (at no extra cost to you). It’s a simple way to support this blog and the work I do for other women walking this same path.
(Vitex (Chasteberry)
AKA: My hormone whisperer. This plant-based supplement helped me regulate my cycle, ease PMS, and reduce those hormonal mood crashes that made me feel like I was losing my mind. Oh and it’s cheap!
Magnesium Glycinate
This one’s my nightly peace treaty with my nervous system. It helps me relax, sleep deeper, and soften the tension in my body — without the groggy side effects.
Get My Favorite Magnesium Here
Infrared Sauna Blanket
Game. Changer.
It’s like crawling into a warm cocoon of calm. This helps with inflammation, stress, muscle recovery, and resetting my nervous system. Even Justin, my partner— LOVES it! after coming home from snowboarding one day he could barely walk lol- I told him to hop in the infrared and he did, now he swears by it! after a 20 minute session in the blanket he couldn’t believe how much better he felt I’d say that makes us both believers.
Worth. Every. Cent.
The Sleep Hack I Never Expected to Work (But Totally Did)
Let’s just say—I was desperate for sleep.
Like, “waking up every hour, wired but exhausted, can’t function the next day” kind of desperate.
Then one night, my partner and I watched The Earthing Movie on Netflix (if you haven’t seen it—add to watch list ASAP). It opened our eyes to something so simple yet powerful: grounding.
We actually started getting up early, heading outside barefoot to ground ourselves before work. It felt surprisingly good—but we wanted more consistency. That’s when I found out about grounding sheets.
YES—sheets you sleep on that connect you to the Earth’s natural energy.
Sounds wild, right? But wow… total game changer.
We both noticed that when we used the sheets, we woke up with this sort of heaviness—not groggy, but like we had actually dropped into a deeper sleep. Every time we swapped back to our normal sheets (hello laundry day), we felt the difference instantly.
And just the other day, after a rough sleep spell, I put the grounding sheet back on—and finally got a full night’s rest again. I’m officially hooked. I’m even ordering a backup so I never go without!
If you’re dealing with sleep issues, stress, inflammation, or just want to support your nervous system in a natural way—you have to try this.
Grab your grounding sheets here- I swear by it
Journaling & Nervous System Support
Journaling has been my soul’s anchor. It’s where I dump my fear, track my symptoms, and remind myself I’m still fighting.
I also do nervous system resets like:
Deep breathing
Legs-up-the-wall
Gentle stretching
And yes… some occasional dramatic crying
My Serenity Within Journal -vintage inspired of course!
Art for Healing
Painting has been part of my personal therapy. My leaf art holds stories of grief, resilience, and hope. Some of them are for sale. Others? I just can’t let go of yet.
Where I Am Now?
Right now, I’m rebuilding.
I’m learning to rest — truly rest.
I’m preparing for major surgery.
I’m slowly putting myself back together — stronger, wiser, softer. It may be a long road… but I will return to doing what I love: Serving the community, creating, inspiring, and helping others feel seen.
This isn’t the end of my story. It’s a transformation. And I refuse to stay quiet about it.
Let’s Keep Talking
If this post resonated with you, I’d love to hear from you.
Leave a comment. Share it with a friend. Let’s stop whispering and start telling the truth about what we’re going through. Because healing isn’t shameful. Being human isn’t weak. And women over 40? We deserve to be heard.
-With love and truth,
Lisa-Marie
Founder of Living With Lisa-Marie
Healing tools. Journaling with soul. Art with meaning.